The Unreal Real

“The young man locked the door and turned to the girl. She was standing facing him in a defiant pose with insolent sensuality in her eyes. He looked at her and tried to discover behind her lascivious expression the familiar features that he loved tenderly. It was as if he were looking at two images through the same lens, at two images superimposed one on the other with one showing through the other. These two images showing through each other were telling him that everything was in the girl, that her soul was terrifyingly amorphous, that it held faithfulness and unfaithfulness, treachery and innocence, flirtatiousness and chastity. This disorderly jumble seemed disgusting to him, like the variety to be found in a pile of garbage. Both images continued to show through each other, and the young man understood that the girl differed only on the surface from other women, but deep down was the same as they: full of all possible thoughts, feelings, and vices, which justified all his secret misgivings and fits of jealousy. The impression that certain outlines delineated her as an individual was only a delusion to which the other person, the one who was looking, was subject–namely himself. It seemed to him that the girl he loved was a creation of his desire, his thoughts, and his faith and that the real girl now standing in front of him was hopelessly other, hopelessly alien, hopelessly polymorphous”

He hated her.

We all have such instances of the real. Trouble is, the portrait we paint is almost always unreal. What is ironic, is that this unreal, although totally unsupported (thus defying logic), hurts the most.

More on this later.

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4 Comments on “The Unreal Real

  1. beautiful piece. yours or milan kundera’s? the guy in this is too much of an idealist for me though….i love the washed up Icaruses with their faded innocence and lost battles, trying to find not divinity but that one imperfection in the other than they can cling onto and love. interesting.

    • milan kundera (my all time favourite writer) …the guy is supposed to be characteristic of the male gender. i wonder whether you would agree, but in times of severe desperation..every single selfish human being behaves in a way characteristic to their gender. may sound stupid and chauvinistic, but think over it. the piece just brings that out.

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