Dear Diary..

Here are my punchbag quotes for this week :

  • The love for your work is inversely proportional to the love for your boss
  • Never confess your love for anyone. There is a coarse ceiling on which the why’s, when’s, what’s, how’s and why not’s are based on. This ceiling is well covered with the Plaster of Perfection. Those three words = A shuddering earthquake causing irrevocable damage.
  • The neighbour’s dog you pet in the morning will poop outside your door in the evening.
  • Never smile at ladies. In all probability, you shall trip or your clothes get ripped from nowhere. (The-Aakhir iski sandal mere sandal se jyaada behtar kaise-effect)
  • Keep your guide motto handy while taking a local train in Mumbai. “Always be prepared” is applicable to cat fights and sandal stampedes in the ladies compartment. Also applicable to awkward fart-and-smile moments, some in your face scratch-your-crotch moments, etc. in the gents compartment.
  • Your ‘lies’ will be ‘psychological’ problems for others. The ‘psychological’ problems of others must be considered as ‘lies’ or else, you invariably become the bitch who doesn’t understand people.
  • Plugging in your earphones while at work, when mates at work whisper not-so-sweet-nothings about you or someone else is BAD MANNERS. Unplugging them, is INVASION of PRIVACY.
  • Brothers are credit cards with credit limits lower than the worst banks. After all, they are well aware of your “credit” history.
  • Denying a dark part of your life is being ‘sensible’. Hiding it, is ‘Lying’
  • “Tum karo toh pyaar, hum karein toh Sex” 😀
  • If you empathise with a woman, she will feel offended. If you do not, she gets offended. If you comfort her, she will get angry. Just buy her a gift.
  • If you empathise with a man, he would focus on the chest (a woman’s preferably) he would want to put his head on. Lesson for the ‘caring’ woman? Shoo a man who seeks empathy far away.
  • In today’s world, dancing and dry humping aren’t very different.
  • All forms of progress have caused collateral damage to the country. Mobile phones, sports conventions, etc. Lesson? Lets have one huge pool of villages called India. No Bharat. No wait. Kurukshetra is a better name.
  • Actions speak louder than words. That is why I see many more bar brawls these days. (Ironically Gandhi supported it. That is why the policy of ‘extending the other cheek’)
  • (Inspired) : “I have Facebook, Google+, Twitter, LinkedIn..Do you have a life? No! Send me the link!”
  • (Inspired) : I wonder what came first..Music or misery? I listen to thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery, pain and loss. Do I listen to pop music because I am miserable? Or am I miserable because of pop music? Lesson : Music and misery might just be subsets of each other. Take none too seriously.
  • Where there is a will, there is a night of booze+dance. Even if you are 35 and have had a tiring day at work. True story J
  • Kids make you work for a better future. Don’t have any. Relax.
  • There are no tranquilizers for the forever chirpy hot babe at your workplace. You can weave a Psycho- 10 while staring at her though.
  • Tiredness is a state of mind, they say. My mind is in a tired state, I say.
  • The road to your house gets smoother, a few days after you leave it.
  • If a man asks you to dance, do not forget to ask him, “Which form?”
  • If a man asks you to marry him, be grateful. And ask him how many things he wants you to work on before the real thing happens.
  • Public insults are reserved only for parents. Accept it. And walk on.
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