Off Hangovers

I have been a connoisseur of alcohol for the past 8 years of my life and it is very difficult to convey in a trillion words, the kind of peace that it brings with it.  And I aint even trying tonight. This is a post on how to avoid getting too drunk or getting hung over the next morning  🙂

I began my first ever alcohol batt(l) ing innings with Old Monk (thanks to the Indian Navy J)..Shots of it, (60 ml, sometimes 2x)  were used to ease into ‘boring’ Chemistry practicals…With a quarter of Smirnoff in tow, good enough to get the ‘best friend’ (yes, I was a girl then :P) drunk. And laugh on for the rest of the afternoon 🙂

Suck this.

What constituted thereafter, was a series of stages –

  1. An excessively dry throat and a de-hydrated body
  2. The ‘full’ feeling that can neither be defined as ‘nausea’ nor an ‘acidic burp’  aka The pre barf stage.
  3. The barfing stage
  4. The take-my-guts out-but-leave-me-alone stage
  5. The just-sleep-anywhere stage
  6. The I-am-up-early-and-i-am-so-drowsy-that-I-sleep-while-taking-a-dump stage
  7. The-I-loved and hated-last-evening stage

After going through it that one time, I have been devising different ways to combat that hangover. My (recommendations) ** therefore <in order of descendence> —

5.  Feeling ‘full’ after the second drink? Spike drinks of the one you love. There is no joy that supersedes one in which the other person gets his act together. You laugh your heart out and the need for alcohol minimizes. Even better would be to spike drinks of the one you hate. (Which reminds me I have to apologise to two of my previous bosses :P)

4. Piss regularly.  It is important to keep diluting your alcohol with water and letting it go.

This applies especially to women. Once high, every time you visit that loo, you would look less made up. And so you would try looking flashier. When you apply the mascara on the lips or manage to smudge the lip gloss on your nose, it is time you stop. Both drinking and applying make-up 😛

3. Do not try to be the stud/lass of the party. It is a known assumption that guys who want to rock the party are usually the ones who drink the most. Remember the main motive for why you wanted to party in the first place.

2.  DO NOT carry your broken hearted friend along with you. The more the pain, the more the introspection. The more the introspection, the more number of drinks. Before you know it, you would be putting all your pain stakes on the table and philosophizing about shit that will make you regret the next morning.

1. Take your spouse or the boyfriend/girlfriend along.  The happiness quotient in itself will get you high. Add to that, the turn on when another one gets even slightly high. You won’t stay in the party for too long then, would you?

So, the next time you go out to drink, weigh your options and the possible solutions… These will only help you get up ‘happy’ the next morning.

** Conditions Apply:  The above mentioned solutions do not apply in cases of:

  1. Being a great looking guy or girl..Please drink. Entertainment in a party is never ‘cheap’ (both economically and morally)
  2. Being single and desperate…Get a lay before you can’t do it no more. 😛
  3. Being married and not being able to spare time for the spouse. In this case, you might as well get super drunk and vent out.
  4. A birthday.
  5. Letting go. Strictly prohibited if alone. [How can you let go if you do not have bitchy friends who empathize even in your worst times! ;)]
  6. Being drunk while reading this. I am, while writing this one. 😛

2 Comments on “Off Hangovers

  1. Chatterjee, this recalls some weird, wild nights of ribald debauchery in Delhi and thereabouts

    But I think before our oral fixation for the monk, we started with a beer they used to brew in Himachal, called, ‘thunderbolt’, that we sixteen-seventeens used to devour in tall steel milk glasses in small-town Ambala to avoid detection. And then of course, we tried to walk home lying on our backs! ….

    Then came another phase: of experimenting with more exquisite poisons, the sole motivation being: to stop hurting. That’s when the ugliest of things turned melancholic: the extra half-tooth, the immaculate lisp, etc.

    Admirable that you actually managed to compose all this, all high and mighty you….

    • you pretty much hit the nail there kunal.. Teenage obsession with alcohol was so much to do with the attitude of doing it for the thrill sake. I had my first drink in a 500 ml sprite bottle (pretty common) right in the middle of an Analytical Chemistry lecture, much to the oblivion of the class. Mingling with the ‘unapproved’ set of teenagers, was what came next and subsequently, the whole typecast of being an outcast.
      it probably was much later that the drinking-for-not-hurting began. it was irritable at first, since coming out in the open with your pain is quite an uncomfortable thing to do.. but by then I guess everybody was too drunk to understand … so 🙂
      you speak through experience.. would love to hear them sometime! thanks for commenting 🙂

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