I almost hit..
The blogging graveyard! I almost reached that stage where the manifestation of my thoughts could no longer be expressed in written words. The desire to write did increase exponentially, but a suitable time and frame of mind did not seem to grace my thought..simultaneously. And out of nowhere, “en-lightening” struck my head (in the form of a friend abusing me for not writing enough) and so I write..
The ‘breaking’ news during this point in time?
1. A certain close friend chose to ‘lose’ me. Irrational arguments/behaviours can not be tolerated after a certain point in time. Just one note to the faithfully departed.
Rest in Peace. Bitch.
2. Was almost married..with the sindur, the touching of the feet and all..End result? Me fleeing the scene and a broken heart (probably cursing me)..
3. Painfully, let the “You” become a “Him”… Another one bites the dust.
Amidst all this ofcourse, I continued leading my non-existential, inconsequential life, with an ‘achievement’ up my sleeve. That of seating myself on a ‘citadel of conformism‘ .. The notion that conformism is an evil and non-conformism is the only good was conventionally crushed and fed to the dogs by my corporate masters and a certain companion whom I have taken great liking to, in the past few days.
Perhaps, if it didn’t happen, I would’ve never understood that conformism is infact a powerful tool to draw close to people. The more, the eventual interaction, the more the recognition…And the subsequent powerful feeling of ‘knowing it all’.. This phase where life grows more dense and less ardent will however, be short-lived 😉
The most important understanding that I’ve had in these past few weeks, is that I am living a “High Ideals, Low Obsession” life! With procrastination sitting in my house of thought, I don’t think that it will change anytime soon. Meh.
Finally,while adding end notes to the demented love story, I thought of all the times, when I was called a ‘liar’.. A person who hid her feelings and lied to mask it all up. And now when I come to think of it, I didnt understand what was it that I hid? Did those hidden things/white lies make me the unique being that someone loved? No. What I kept secret is the most common, the most ordinary, the most prevalent thing, the same thing everybody has : Life’s maladies. And unfortunately, ‘you’ didn’t understand that these shamelessly concealed maladies were so lamentably impersonal, that they never needed to be mentioned. One needed to move beyond the little weaknesses everybody hides at the bottom of the drawers. But we’re done. And you suck at being ‘considerate’. Period.
While all this was happening in the past two months, a kind soul found me. And I found a steady hand.
I’m Back.. Yay!
PS : This is not a depressing/melancholous post! Bleh.