To be or not to be : 1-Friends or Spouses.
The poll posted here was an indication for me to think about whether friends should be spouses or not. What came as a verdict, was that friends can, in fact, choose to become spouses.
Interesting viewpoint. The feeling of knowing someone, trusting them and then choosing to take it to the next level is but natural. There couldnt be a more foolproof option than this one.
But does this really work?
I have had quite a few friends who wed their best friends and after a couple of years, have come back mentioning how they have lost that lovin’ feeling. Sample example is as follows:
A and B are buddies who decide to date each other after 6-7 years of being best friends. They finally get married. Before the wedding, they used to share everything ..right from an attractive woman at A’s workplace to B’s insecurities with her physique. However, post wedding, A becomes over cautious about mentioning another woman and B on the other hand, chooses to rather speak about her insecurities with her girl friends sailing in the same boat. What happens at the end of 4-5 years, is a marriage kept for the sake of its sanctity.
This however, is an extreme example of how things change between two well-acquainted individuals. Does that mean that best friends were only made on superficial grounds without really thinking twice about Differences?
I personally think, knowing someone too well, can be a disadvantage.
Well, to begin with, too much information about someone leads to manipulation of thoughts. If almost every action is predictable, choosing to do just what is acceptable to someone else is easy. Also, since predictability becomes a fashion, the blame game can just get much easier to win. The very fact that one has to blame someone else for anything in itself is appalling, but considering human tendency, I think it is alright 🙂
Secondly, the fact that someone else knows everything about you, makes you vulnerable. So much so, that practicality is indirectly thrown out of the window! Consequently, trust is bound to faulter in such times and this can be hazardous to any marital relationship.
On the other hand, when spouses turn friends, it makes some room for surprise in the relationship. Yes, I do agree that one should always know everything basic needed to get married to someone, but somethings can feel incredible if discovered instead of being told. Like how would you feel if you realised that your spouse turned best friend has a tattoo he/she has not mentioned to you about? Such things ofcourse, can definitely happen if people only remain as acquaintances or normal friends before hooking up. Ideally. Otherwise it would be, so he/she has a tattoo..So?
The value of relationships somehow is maintained most of the times in marriages made out of acquaintances. Think about it.
However, I cannot discount the fact that compatibility cannot be defined or judged with whether people choose to be soul mates before marriages or post it.
People eventually change with a change in relationship. How seriously the change is perceived finally defines the nature of the relationship in future.
I dont know how marriages work, but I guess, there is a lot more to just being friends here.