A Disaster called Kites

I happened to watch Kites in a suburban mall yesterday. Considering I had a bad day at work, a movie with a handsome superstar would have been a deserved treat. Or so I thought. Here’s what I went through :

The Prelude:
On entering the theatre, I discovered that there were only 4 couples + Calvin + me =ย 10 people in a 300 seater hall. Very demotivating. But then, even Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak had an empty theatre in its first week. That would be the only common thing between the two movies..

The Premise:
The movie began with our superstar being rescued from a bullet injury by a doctor in the countryside. Khoon Bhari Maang scenes revisited. Immediately, after being operated upon, our hero decides to walk the lonely deserts of US by himself and is bid adieu with a “Senor, may you find the love of your life” dialogue…. Truly romantic, I say. Then came the innumerous toggles between the present and the past (Saathiya style)…

Roshan and Mori both play desperate money seekers .. Roshan (J) a multitasking fraud in Las Vegas (wonder if that is possible ๐Ÿ˜› ) and Mori (Natasha/Linda/Mrs.Ray) a runaway from Mexico. Mori in her quest to stay in the US gets married to Roshan in Las Vegas (for 700 dollars) and both of them go their separate ways.
Enter Kangna Ranaut, the pyschotic lover (wait whats new?) of our hero in his dance class. Daughter of a rich casino owner who clips ears of people who cheat in his casino (atleast this is in alignment — jaise beti, vaisa baap :P).. Roshan woos Ranaut in his search for money.. Only to find Mori as the beautiful fiancee of ranaut’s brother Tony.
Both fall in love (obviously) and elope and pyschotic family chase them like Jagdish Raj chased villains in old Hindi movies (tum yahaan se bachkar nahin jaa sakte type dialogues) .. In the meanwhile, there are enough toggles between the past and the present, lovers get married and runaway to Mexico (Linda ne sapnon ko kar diya bidaa) … and finally there is ย a Qayamat se Qayamat Tak. You die. I die.

The Conclusion:
What the bloody hell was wrong with the Roshans? After Krish oops Krissh, they had raised their bars of story telling. Anurag Basu was thoroughly confused with the script.. Ohh there is a gap in the story? Lets throw some cars around..And call them stunts!.. The kisses looked mandatory, since it was meant to be a crossover movie. With the kind of money spent, a Farhan Akhtar would have done justice to the messed up screenplay! Mori overdid her Spanish, but she looked absolutely timeless in some scenes.Hrithik Roshan ofcourse, clearly wants to hit international shores. Flaunting everything except his acting skills,he looks like Jesus himself in the climax. Touchรฉ. Did I forget to mention, that the title track (sung by Roshan himself) doing a “Noorie” throughout the movie.
Big big disappointment. With all the hype, I thought it would have atleast made up for the glam quotient. Huge waste of cars, bullets and my money.

For the Reviewers:

Anurag Basuโ€™s direction takes โ€˜Kitesโ€™ to a different level altogether. He has excelled behind the camera, and the neat, crisp editing has complemented the film. โ€˜Kitesโ€™ is worth a watch… “

Why not!! When there was no screenplay to begin with, editing it would only be safe for the movie.

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Kites, touted as Indiaโ€™s first crossover film for global audience, soars high, dips, soars again and leaves you levitating in your seat with its heart-wrenching climax….”

Heart wrenching indeed! I felt like ripping it apart.

The first dialogue of Kites went something like this … “Humein kya pataa tha, ki kucch der havaa mein rehne ke baad, aakhir mein ek patang ko duusre patang ko kaatna hi padta hai” …. Poori movie nahin kat gayi issi chakkar mein?

Hail Indian cinema.

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11 Comments on “A Disaster called Kites

      • Awww…

        Anything I can do to make it better…somehow?

        And yes, I do indeed not have any idea because I’ve not seen it, but I have read/heard a bunch of similar reviews and have learnt that I should not be wasting money on it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I need some Raajneeti now ๐Ÿ™‚
        Dont see it, thats the best you can do for me!
        Saare purze sahi salamat in Jamshedpur?

      • ahh home must be good then ๐Ÿ™‚
        i had to look for your comment in the spam folder.. a different ip does this to people i guess ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Awww, you went into the spam folder for me?

        I’m touched!

        And here I was thinking that asking you out for coffee would be a huge risk.

        ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Probably because you have already accepted comments from that IP.

        And this comment is from my laptop, so it’s OpenID verified, and will have my trademark “1” image, unless I change it. ๐Ÿ˜€

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