Us and the State of Denial
I like observing people. Particularly noticing what affects them, is of very deep interest to me. And in the past three years of doing this, there is one latent attitude that I have observed in every individual (including me); the state of Denial.
In fact, most of the things that we do are either a direct cause or a direct result of denial. Only when we decide to challenge what has already been established, do we make efforts of moving forward. A kid’s denial of his parents’ advice from time to time, establishes his attitude towards life in the latter stage. There have been a lot of occassions wherein knowledge itself has been earned as a result of negation of already known facts. Vision is a direct result of refusal of stagnancy. We more often than once would be kicked to do something when we are challenged on something that we do or say. Such is the power of denial.
On the other hand, if applied to the micro level of our lives, the feeling is deeply saddening to observe. A co-worker’s refusal of the fact that he/she is a bad worker is irritating. The fact that we do not accept people and their over inflated egos is also a result of negation. Why? Cos, yes we do want to believe that we are good individuals,however horrible we actually are. A simple case of a mother’s denial of the fact that her child smokes in itself is very endearing yet unfortunate. Why? Cos she is in denial of reality.
It is incredible to be oblivious to the innate reason why we do, say or hear things. Much more incredible is the fact that it is virtually on everything that we get emotional. And that too without our conscious consent. And most of it comes through negation.
So, what happens when you suddenly are made aware of this state? Being the “evil” me that I am (refuting all claims of goodness in me), I managed to convince someone about her condition. The result? I got a docile meoooowing friend to nod her head to whatever I had to say and an asslicker within a week! She ofcourse came back to her true being once out of my magic spell of bullshit 🙂
My observation led to very many funny conclusions about denials. Some people are addicted to the feeling. So much so, that they say “No” to almost everything and when asked the reasons for it, they would mention a lame “Gut feeling” [Loser] …On the other hand, there are some who would never say “No” but finally get their way. And yeah, those some are not WOMEN. [Huh.]
On a serious note though, it is distressing to understand yourself in this way. You start being more cautious, you think faster than you speak, your spontaneity goes down [cos if you try keeping up with your thoughts, you speak shit.. Like right now] and then you curse yourself for being a doof. It is a dual sword..If you smirk at someone, you get smirked at as well. The only solace one finds is in the ignorance of another human being.
They say, “Hope is the only denial of reality” … Well, I would modify it to “Every positive feeling is a denial of reality” ..
Yeah, roll over. I am a cheerful cynic afterall. 🙂