I happened to read an “earnest” matrimonial profile “About me” at iwanttopubliclysearchforanykindofpartnersinindia.com …
“As parents of a beautiful and extremely witty daughter, we seek a lively young man in his mid or late 20’s to match her in all her special attributes. Individuals working in the defence sector would be preferred. Currently working with Someniceworkplace, Someplace.. Our single (and disinterested in marriage) daughter is an able woman with all the qualities of a good wife. ”
Again, earnest I say. So earnest that I wanted to draft my “About me” immediately. Only for marketing purposes though..
*Important Note : Dad, if you are reading this..Please read it till the end *
” Our daughter, A, is one of the most unique and unconventional girls one would ever find. She is surprisingly daring, extremely sarcastic and is unimaginably straight forward by nature..Her knowledge of music is extremely good.. Especially, that of Acid and Alternative Rock.. She is pretty disinterested in mundane activities like house cleaning,cooking,washing clothes,etc. Infact, she is so simple that she will wear the same clothes for ages and sleep on the same bedsheet for months,before asking her mother to change it. She is a Mini-Hippo.. Ohh we mean, Hippie.. and therefore, loves to smoke pot and drink vodka on the terrace of her building..She loves travelling..Alone! Her other activities include, Embarrassing people by pulling their legs occassionally, strutting off her toes once covered in red nail polish, throwing attitude at people she cares for, fluttering her eyelids and staring at photographs of herself (even at her workplace) and most importantly playing music at the loudest pitch anytime of the day..”
She loves her family to death… And she will indeed love yours .. Till their death ofcourse.
We are a very modern nuclear family and hence as parents of a well suited daughter, we would like to place the following ground rules:
1. Single, unmarried men with names ending in -esh esp. Jignesh, Umesh, Mangesh etc are excused from applying. Somesh, dont try.Again.
2. Only single, unmarried men between the ages 25-30 can apply.Anybody above this age would be called “Uncle” or “Bhaiyya” by our daughter. Please save the embarrassment.
3. We expect dowry in the form of :
a. 1000 songs of which our daughter has not heard of
b. 50 pairs of handbags and shoes which have unique designs and have not been already bought by our daughter.
c. 500 sheets of handmade paper from different parts of the world.
In case you would match up on any of the dowry forms, please feel extra free to apply.
4. Since our daughter is moody, we would want someone to keep her happy all the time. Hence, single, unmarried men with knowledge of cooking (she loves chicken manchurian), cleaning (she loves to come home to washed bedsheets) and ofcourse, spending (only on her would be brilliant) and yet willing to love and nurture our daughter can surely apply.
5. Educational preferences are important to us, since we like our vanity.. Hence, any post graduate degree which brings atleast 50 grands back home is fair enough. Our daughter plans to be a committed housewife and a part time philosopher soon.
Our daughter is a gem of a person and hence we call her Babli.If you think you are the right Bunty for her and that your profile matches with the profile described above, please feel free to text us at 98-18 -DESPERATEPARENTS …”
Sounds good, doesn’t it?
Matrimonial pangs. Aaaaah. More on it later.