Key to Fantastic Friendships and Long Lasting Relationships..
Haha, although the subject looks like one coming directly from some famous self help books… Its not :X .. It is “Gyaan Badhaao cum Catching Wonderful Thought Glow Worms” time of the night and hence, it is imperative to write this down.
When was the last time someone you looked upto showed Faith in you? Not the “I-know-you-wont-let-me-down-yet-let-me-have-a-backup-plan-in case -you-do” faith. Instead the “I-know-you-wont-let-me-down. And-even-if-you-do-I-wont-stop-loving-you” kind of faith? Keep uhmmm-ing and you will find no answer.. Happened the same way with me.
It is such a fast paced world, that we somehow manage to relate faith directly to the expectations we have off a person. Think about this.. Say you fall in love with a person.. You finally manage to get to the person and then after being in a relationship for sometime, think .. ahh well, not quite what I would have expected..I cant quite trust someone who does X,Y and Z and does not conform to A,B and C.. It would simply be ridiculous to even think you wanted a relationship out of a person, cos what you were doing in the first place was chalking out a plan to get to the person first, nurture them and then tutor them about your needs. In your defence, this in turn will lead you to trust them and put your faith in them”. Quite expected. Off feeble souls who in due course of time turn utterly selfish in their desperation to allay their innermost fears.
Lets talk about the same case from a different perspective. Say you fall in love.. You finally manage to get to the person and then after being in a relationship for sometime.. You think, ahh well, not quite what I would have expected…Now here comes the twist.. You sit yourself down and think about the love that you have for this person and where and how did it stem from.. You see the person loving you,respecting you, caring for you in the same manner as you do. Then what is it that is amiss?
My answer. Blind faith.
Trust is the simple thread that holds the gist to all relationships. It is absolutely necessary to keep the reassurance going in each other by keeping that faith more on the love that you hold for the other person and the fact that the other person entrusts you with their faith out of sheer affection. Nothing negative can ever come in your way when you think that ” so what if my expectations are NOT conformed on x,y and z grounds.. it has to be the other way round on some grounds I ain’t even aware of!” .. Co-ordinating the mind with the soul comes out of pure, unadulterated, undiluted love which is rare in the first place. In most cases, it isn’t even love. It probably just is the idea of being in love. Relationships built on such a foundation can only faulter. The ones built only on expectations, as rightly mentioned by someone will “exist vaguely” and there will be no sense of attachment whatsoever. Such relationships later turn out to be Acquaintances 🙂
I was sitting at a coffee table and listening to someone very intently telling how much he loves his better half..And I asked him why? To which he mentioned, “A, we are so similar in nature that I feel we are just made for each other” … That set me thinking, would it be really right to say that ” Similarities” form the bond that you share with your loved ones?
My parents have nothing in common.. But they had a love marriage. After years of pondering over how they might have been the way they have been, I figured, that in their 33 years of marriage, ma baba had only trusted each other like nobody else I had seen in my life. The moment there was a guest scheduled to come home, without letting ma know or do anything, baba used to go out and get a bunch of snacks for the guests to have.. Ma on the other hand, would lend baba the ear to listen to all his cribs right from work to the club, over a hot cup of tea every evening.
When I say Blind faith, being non-judgemental forms a major part of being that way. Had ma thought about baba exaggerating a situation and make it sound critical, she would have slowly lost interest in whatever he said. But being non-judgemental only assured her of him coming back to only her at the end of the day to share his life’s problems. It made him feel like he has someone he can talk a bunch load of crap to as well.. That is loving someone!
The contentment out of such an interaction makes one so happy, that there is nothing but love and the future to think about later. Similarities, expectations and the likes take a back seat when you are absolutely sure of loving the person and accomodating their nuances like the way they do yours.
The same thing goes with friendships. Ever wondered why we are the best of friends with people who have been with us for a very long period of time? That is cos we chose to lose our inhibitions about trust the first time we laughed, hugged, cried and cribbed with them. And we often make fast friends with people whom we choose to trust instantaneously. Who ever said faith took time to instill?
“It is only when we learn to instill faith in ourselves, will we ever be able to love someone else dearly”
I have been in a few relationships and the only thing that worked for me there was to bridging the difference by loving unconditionally and trusting blindly. Half my cynicism was out of the window, when I was trusted the way I was without being judged and it only intensified when it was the other way round.
Sad part is, people have forgotten what an amazing kick it is to take the chance of keeping the faith in someone and see how well it is reciprocated.
“Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there. ~Author Unknown”
My coffin calls. Later.